One Liners for your gtalk status!

On a special request:

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
A hard thing about business is minding your own.
If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
A psychiatrist says to his patient, "So, you say that you're happy to pay your taxes...And when did this start?"
Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
The reward for a job well done is more work.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Love is photogenic…It needs darkness to develop.
Your so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn’t come back to you.
“Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don’t have to give her back to her parents.”

Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
A genuine reason for having two girlfriends at a time: Monopoly is always damaging & Competition improves service!
One of the biggest problems of the world is that the stupid ones are damn sure & the intelligent ones are full of doubts !
Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.
When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.
Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal
There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads "We may never piss this way again.
Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where you get your shitty ideas from!
I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
Extraordinary: it is the "extra" that make us more than ordinary.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
A good friend see the first tear, catches the second and stops the third.